From A Walk In the Park To One Down The Aisle

She’s his glamorous girl who makes heads turn with her impeccable style sense, loves his laid back style, casual manner and splurging ways.. He’s a new age man who’s proud of her independence and flamboyance, her ultimate man with his charming ways and endearing habits. They do the routine with a sweeping romance followed by courtship and then a picture-perfect wedding. And voila! Nothing seems perfect anymore! He gets impatient by the way she spends all her time caring for her skin, make-up and wardrobe and she dislike his laid-back, relaxed outlook towards life. They quarrel over money, household chores, office issues, socializing – basically over everything under the sun. Most couples who’ve known and dated their partners before they tied the knot will tell you the above scenario holds true, albeit with a few variations here and there.

The trouble mostly begins when people are aware of their partners’ shortcomings while dating, but they still enter marriage thinking they’ll be able to change them. This never happens and becomes the root cause of all further spats. Even if one partner tries to change his/her habits, he/she will always hold the grudge of making the bigger sacrifice!

The solution is to carefully discuss such matters when you first spot them in your dating days, see if both of you can work out a solution around it and if not, then do not take the plunge into matrimony thinking it’s the answer to all your problems. If you think you are convinced you can’t spend your life with somebody who’s messy, insensitive, unresponsive or over-indulgent – then don’t marry that person!

The  Puppy Love Effect

Another major jolt comes when habitual to being pampered people are hit by the cruel reality of no puppy-love after marriage. Partners take their significant others for granted and there is no need to go that extra mile anymore. Women generally suffer from this depression of not feeling loved or appreciated enough after tying the knot, though they thought it would herald a whole new phase of mush in their lives.

The Family Influence

The family first syndrome also hits most when they make the transition from dating to marriage. While being compatible with mothers, fathers, siblings, uncles and aunts held little significance earlier, it suddenly becomes all important that your spouse should gel in with your immediate and extended family and social circle alike. This can be difficult if both partners belong to different religions and geographical areas. The lingual, cultural and traditional differences leave little scope for mingling. Also if the alliance had met with its fair share of disapproval from families; it is quite a daunting task for the partner to interact with those very family members as if nothing ever happened. This is where the understanding between spouses and their patience with each other plays a major role. Rather than making your partner feel like an outcast while you spend time with your family, make a conscious effort to make him/her feel a part of it by explaining customs, rituals and their significances. In the case of warring families before marriage, be patient and let things cool down before you urge your partner to strike up a rapport with your family members.

Space

‘Space’ would’ve been a seldom uttered word in your time before marriage but after you walk down the aisle, you get to hear it more and more often. Staying with someone 24/7 can feel suffocating and binding to many who complain of having lost their independence after marriage. Partners who question too frequently, spy or turn up the office every other day on one pretext or the other, are often a cause of headache for their significant others. Living with a spouse requires careful effort to not encroach on his/her personal space, to not comment on what friends he/she should be hanging out with and to not dictate his/her dressing or eating habits unless they are really a cause for worry.

The Transition

The visit of the stork is surely a happy time for all couples but the much anticipated event also brings with itself a spell of change. Responsibilities, attitudes, priorities all undergo a sea change with the arrival of a child. Expectations of partners from each other increase manifold while the time they get to spend alone witnesses a steep decline. No amount of dating or courtship can prepare a couple for the changes this phase brings. Couples who choose to share in the increased workload and responsibilities together, rather than relying on parents and grand parents to do it, fare better than those who shirk away from it.

A marriage is like the changing seasons of the year. At times great, at times boring and at times purely unbearable. But as we endure seasons year after year, with a lot of hard work and commitment from both partners it is possible to keep your relationship after marriage as fresh and vibrant as it was when you dated each other. Sure relationships change, people and situations also change but then that is precisely what makes life so interesting!

Image Contribution Courtesy Of CHRIS LING INTERNATIONAL PHOTOGRAPHERS